Other than my pregnancy posts and occasional work posts, I don’t post a lot about me. My blog is mostly to document my children’s day-to-day life and to keep family and friends informed. But I actually didn’t start my blog with that intention. In fact, if you go back and read my first several posts, it isn’t much about my kids. So, today is about me. Because it’s therapeutic. And, I just feel like writing.
I’ve been struggling for almost a year with my career choice. Working is a given for me. I must work. I like to work. But my problem is that I don’t do what I love. Sure, I’m happy to have a job—and a job that pays well. I work for a great organization and have very supportive management with a family-friendly philosophy. I love my co-workers and my managers. The benefits are great as well. The problem is that the “soft skills” that I used to be good at (i.e. multi-tasking, stress management) are slowly going out the door. I’m not sure if it’s the promotion or another reason, but my stress level has been sky-rocketing each month that passes. I hate being stressed—especially when it’s about work. The result is that I bring the work stress home and it affects my family life. Today I was scheduled to take off work because Ryan’s sitter is out of town. Josh got off night shift at 7am this morning. Because of deadlines and my agreement to schedule and attend a meeting, I went in today leaving my husband behind with no sleep watching a nine month old teething baby. I pulled into my driveway at 1:45 pm to relieve Josh and saw Ryan staring out of the glass door. He smiled as soon as I pulled up. For a moment, the stress all disappeared because I know that my family is way more important than my work. How ridiculous is it to be that blinded by what is really important?
It’s very easy to say that I will not let work get to me—that I will do the best I can to meet deadlines and to work with groups who do not do their jobs because they are not held accountable. But that’s easier said than done. While my work has a very family-friendly attitude, I constantly feel guilt because I cannot stay late many times. I have a husband with a strange schedule. I shouldn’t let that get to me especially when it’s never been reported as a problem, but I do let it get to me because often the work gets pushed off onto someone else.
I do a job that is an important one and it makes me feel important. The problem is that it’s nothing I ever saw myself doing and it definitely does not show off my strengths. I’ve always been a creative person. In college I scrapbooked. I stopped only due to time. I took on photography and video editing. And I love to write and blog. I love graphic art and using Photoshop. But I don’t do any of this except for my own pleasure. And I suppose that is fine because I make time for it. If you wonder how I have time to blog, take pictures, etc., it’s because I make time for it. It’s not a chore. It’s often nothing more than relaxing! I just wish that I could be that happy 9-5pm M-F doing what I love.
So, this is not a “pity me” post. It’s more about me hoping, wishing, and yearning to one day get to a place where I feel like I’m doing something I love and where I don’t have to remind myself that my family is first no matter what. Life sure is too short to compromise happiness.
-Elizabeth
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