Parent Conference

Today I had a parent/teacher conference at Tyler's preschool. I had requested one last week when a few conversations with Tyler had me concerned. I always ask Tyler how his day was and to tell me something he did. I get the typical answer of "good" and "we didn't do anything." When I get more specific and ask him who he played with, he often says "no one" or tells me that someone didn't want to play with him. We've really come to take a lot of what Tyler says with a grain of salt because at this age he will lie over the silliest of things. But after getting those responses for a few weeks, Josh and I wanted to ask to see how he was interacting with other kids. I also wanted to get a sense of how they thought he was doing overall. So, this morning we all sat down (the director, his two teachers, and myself). Josh had gotten off night shift, and while he originally planned to come to the meeting, I told him this morning to get some sleep. Turns out, I now wish he had come with me.

When I got there, they showed me his portfolio which included sections for handwriting, shapes and colors, tracing, and drawing. They also showed me his assessment they did on him which covered all fine and gross motor skills as well as academic skills. He excelled in every section they had. But, that's never been my concern. Tyler is bright. He's extremely bright.

I learned that Tyler does interact with other children. I never doubted that because I've seen him play with other kids. However, what they told me next helped me to understand why some of the kids decide to stop playing. Apparently Tyler likes to invade personal space quite a bit which turns many of the kids off and aggravates them. He has loud outbursts of noises during story time when the kids are trying to listen to the story. In forming a line, he bulging his stomach out to bump the kid in front of him (I kinda giggled in my head at that one). So to resolve all of these issues, he has to sit next to the teacher at story time and has to be placed at the end of lines.

I sat there listening to it not particularly surprised. He does the same stuff at home which we constantly talk to him about. But what I couldn't get out of my head is if the other kids (boys in particular) are just extremely mature or if it just meant Tyler was extremely immature. I kinda zoned out thinking "wait a minute...isn't this what little boys do?" Everyone always tells me this is what boys do at this age. So, why are they making me feel like Tyler is the only one doing this? So, I asked. But I didn't really get an answer that made me feel like I really understood.

"The other kids have their issues," one teacher said "but Tyler....."

I zoned out again.

Don't get me wrong. I want Tyler to behave and do well in school. And while I'm learning boys are very different than girls, I will not use that as an excuse to feel that Tyler can act like a "boy" and get away with it. Josh and I are pretty strict about making sure Tyler listens at home and has good manners. But apparently we aren't getting through well enough. We certainly don't teach him that opening his mouth with food in it and showing his friends is good manners, but I mean seriously....he's a kid. He's a 4 1/2 year old boy. I don't doubt that he does it!

I'm stuck here because I've been given every indication that the other boys can sit still during story time without outbursts, can stand in lines, and can play with other kids without invading their space. And honestly, I believe it because I've seen it. When I took Tyler to the mall to see Santa with his school, he would. not. stand. in. the. line. I was getting so aggravated that we almost left the field trip. He was on the ground, leaning on me, and off in his own world making loud noises.

So, I get it.

The problem is that I don't know at what point I can't say this is just an age appropriate "boy thing." Everyone but his teachers wants to tell me that this is what it is. But in reality, his teachers see him more than the rest of us. So, I have to side with them and understand that as bright as Tyler is, he is (as the teacher put it) "socially immature."

The good news is that we have seven months until kindergarten, and that is a lot of time for Tyler to mature and grow up. We plan to get Tyler involved in sports in the spring to get out that energy and to meet new friends and learn how to play on a team. I've heard a lot of opinions about how kindergarten helps kids transition to public school. However, I've heard plenty of times and again today that the elementary school he will go to if we stay here is pretty darn strict. I've heard the stories!

I hesitated to post any of this because I didn't really know if I wanted to share this information with the blogging world. We all want to share good things about our kids, not challenging things. Age four has not been a walk in the park. It's been a tough year for all of us. It could be, in part, due to Ryan coming along. The shift of attention was not at first a problem for Tyler. In fact, I bragged about how well Tyler handled Ryan being born. But we finally realized that his way of coping was through other actions. We've had our fair share of regressions this year.

I guess this is where parenting really kicks in, right? It's pretty easy up until you have parent/teacher conferences and you have to hear that your child isn't up to par. Do I think Tyler is a bad kid? Absolutely not. He has a heart of gold. Do I think he'll get in trouble in kindergarten? Yep,most likely! But he's a good kid, and that's all that matters to us.

I'm in the middle of reading Bring Up Boys by James Dobson which has been highly recommended. I hope to finish it when I go to jury duty in a few weeks :)

So, here's to raising boys and living to blog about it! :)