So, the good news is that my fingernails don't hurt

So, there are two evil pandemics going around right now. The swine flu is one of them, and the other is Gillian Michael's "30 day shred" workout dvd. While I don't have experience with the swine flu, I do recently have experience with the "30 day shred." In fact, I've just finished day 2 and plan to keep going. That is if my quadricep muscles don't explode first.

I'm pretty sure that if I had to describe a workout, I would not come close to using the word "shred" in it. Shredding is what you do to bills you want to get rid of or lettuce on taco night. Shredding is not something I tend to think of when it comes to my body or workouts.

For those "Biggest Losers" fans, you might be familiar with Gillian Michaels. I don't watch the show, so I really had no idea who she was before now. Oh, ignorance is bliss. She's the workout nazi, the "get down and give me 30" drill sergeant. And nothing is more intimidating than her mocking you in the dvd saying that she's had 400 lb people do more jumping jacks.

I started day one on Saturday and to appease Gillian in her cut-off sweatpants, I began on level one. It was hard but not killer. I thought to myself that all of these people who have been telling me it's hard are just wusses.

Day 2 was an experiment in pure hate.

Not only did I think my entire body might collapse to the floor afterwards, but I thought I was going to vomit. Every inch of me hurt. I don't know who made up this "good hurt" business, but they closed the shop in my house. There is a muscle in my arm throbbing so badly and requesting abdication from the rest of my body.

On the upside, if I keep this up I have no choice but to be buff. It may only be 20 minutes, but it's 20 minutes of pure exercise hatred.

If anything is going to harm me, my money is on Gillian Michaels and not some lame pig virus.

Look at her. She's practically taunting you with her eyes.




Stay tuned.