Preschool Dilemma

I received a call from Tyler's preschool director/teacher yesterday. The past weeks at school have not been so great for Tyler. He just seems to throw fits when he is given any sort of directions. If he doesn't want to do it, he won't. This goes for any structured time such as music time, circle time, etc. It also goes for cleaning up. And worse is still the nap time. They don't care if he sleeps or not, but they have to make him be quiet for the other kids' sake. And, he purposely gets louder. He disobeys on purpose we think, and we can't figure out why. Yesterday when asked if his apple needed to fall, he told the director yes. It has no fear for him. The other kids shudder at the question. Tyler could care less.

So, the director who happened to teach his class yesterday called and said that she is at a point where she just doesn't know what to do. She was interested in teaching his class to see what different tactics she could use. She made a point that instead of it getting better, it's getting worse. She needs us to help figure this out at this point because they've exhausted their efforts. We've got to figure something out. He's also the only one not potty trained. He will go everywhere but at school. It's like he thinks he's in control of everything he does there.

The last thing I want to do is punish Tyler after working all day long and not seeing him. This has been a struggle for me. I'm not normally a pushover. When he disobeys, I punish and it rarely affects me. But it's hard for me to do that after not seeing him all day. However, I've got to start doing it more. Last week, I took away tv and his story time before bed in addition to long talks about how he made mommy and daddy sad when he disobeyed at school. The next day he was perfect. Coincedence? I just don't know.

So, last night Josh took every single toy and book away and into the office where it was locked up. Tyler thought it was a game and helped out. He sat in a chair most of the evening while we cooked and cleaned. He didn't get dessert and he had a 5 min bath. He was in bed by 7:30pm. We kept adding to the punishment when we realized things weren't affecting him. The only thing that struck a chord was the no dessert (after watching his daddy eat ice cream in front of him) and sitting in a chair with nothing to do. The toys...it meant nothing to him. All it did was clutter our office.

I'm looking for ideas and suggestions of how to carry this out at home and how to make him take the discipline system they have at school (apple tree) seriously. Do I need to have one at home? Do I need a reward system? Do I need more structure when he's at home rather than just free play at nights and on the weekends?

If you have suggestions, post them here!